Mustache Monday

   If you're a guy and ever want to grow a mustache, don't. Just keep living your life and enjoy not sticking out like a sore thumb. Mine survived for two weeks, and it felt like an eternity.

   Last month, 4 of us here at the school decided we'd shave our beards and see who could wear one long enough until we either gave in to the pressures of looking creepy, or our wives issued an ultimatum that we remove it from our faces. Each of the guys put $5 into the contest, and whoever resisted the urge to rejoin 2016 the longest won the money.

The first one out was Mr. Walker, who made it less than 24 hours... Smart man, that Mr. Walker.

    Mr. Manes was next. He'd already announced that he was going right back to his beard, and promptly grew it back within a week. That left me and Mr. Wade as the only members of an exclusive club that no one wanted to join. There's the saying that eventually even the worst styles make a comeback. Bell bottoms, tie dye, and even acid-washed jeans all found their way back into pop culture. Unsurprisingly, The 70's motorcycle cop mustache hasn't. I decided that I was in it for the long haul. I had originally come up with the idea out of boredom, and you can't just back out of your own contest. Before this contest, I hadn't shaved my beard off in 5 years. My kids basically had never seen what I looked like without one, and the fuzzy caterpillar residing on my face was a constant topic in my home.
   The hardest part was having to constantly shave every few days to keep up this awkward, new appearance. I hated having to start back all over again. It also didn't help that kids had noticed I looked like Super Mario and had taken to yelling out "Hey Mario!" when they saw me in the hallway.  Even worse, Mr. Wade showed zero signs of cracking. Every afternoon, while we waited for our kids to get off the bus, he basically reveled in his new look. "I love it" he said. "I might never shave it off!" I lied and bragged about how great I felt, too, and hoped he wouldn't catch on. By Friday of week 2, my spirit was broken.

    The following Monday, exactly two weeks after it all began, I walked into school and Dan Wade's classroom, mustache-free and conscience clear, and placed a 20$ bill in his hand.